I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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