i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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