what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
