So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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