Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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