I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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