so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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