but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
