Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
