i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
