I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
