she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
