I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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