All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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