We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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