I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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