I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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