remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
