she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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