he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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