apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
