What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
