threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
