U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
