dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize