by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
