Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize