dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
