I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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