WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
