STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
