i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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