Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
