you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
