Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He passed out mid-signature
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
