Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
