between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina is officially offended.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
