She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
