I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
