fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
