So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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