nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
