I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
