Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
