no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
