The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
