The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
