Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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