the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
