Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
