just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
