i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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