You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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