and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
