The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize