Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
