I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
