Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
