I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found the puke drawer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
