how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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