I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
