I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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