How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
