i permit you to call me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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