Reggie can tackle my bush.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
