I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
