Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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