You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
