If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
