You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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