i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize