Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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