I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
