I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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