Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
