Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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