When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
