The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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