Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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