Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
