I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
