I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
