...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
