On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
