and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
3pm strippers are depressing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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