Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
