I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
