I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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