Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
